“We’re leaving together, but still it’s farewell.  But maybe we’ll come back to [BU] who can tell?   I guess there’s no one to blame, we’re leaving [town], will things ever be the same again?”

I looked at the calendar today.  It’s almost February.  Of 2011.  That means I’m just a few months away from graduating.  What a bizarre feeling.  Especially when I think of all the changes that I’ve experienced since Freshman year.

A recap:
Fall ’07: The first semester was difficult, but I had a fantastic time.  My brother got married.  I played a lot of board games.  I watched a lot of teacher movies.  I found in myself a love of Boston and all that it entailed.  Felt like home almost immediately.  Did some typical Boston things like the Christmas Tree lighting.  Realized that college was actually going to be a challenge; I was no longer one of the best and brightest in the room.  Learned what it was like to have a roommate.  Didn’t necessarily approve.  Fondest memory: any number of late-night walks past the BU beach.

Spring ’08: A lot of drama transpired in Spring ’08.  I learned a lot about others, and more about myself.  Definitely a rough period for me.  Reconnected with an old acquaintance who is now one of my best friends.  Things started getting rough at home.  Dad’s health began deteriorating.  My own health was pretty bad, too.  A lot of stress.   Fondest memory: Sorry out on the Esplanade

Fall ’08: A new beginning.  Recuperating after a dramatic Spring semester.  Met those who would become my closest friends.  Moved into an awesome new room in Myles that was twice the size.  Had a really sociable floor that liked to party.  Was having the Freshman experience as a Sophomore, before realizing that I didn’t really fit in with that crowd.  Dad’s health deteriorating, but made some ne friends toward the end of the semester.  Fondest memory: My birthday at Vinny T’s.

Spring ’09: Dad passed away just before returning to school.  A rocky first start.  Had my first alcoholic beverage.  Yeah, I did have a brief run-in with the flu, but I saved up enough money to go to Canada.  The furthest I’ve traveled, went to Quebec with my best friends.  Got drunk for the first time at a lounge/club in Montreal.  Enjoyed the brisk cold of Quebec City in March.  Had some fantastic company (even if someone took really long showers and used all the hot water).  Got accepted to be an RA.  Fondest memory: the chocolate war.

Late Summer ’09: RA Training.  Wow.  Just wow.  Nothing like I expected.  A lot of work and a lot of fun.  Never really liked all the team building stuff before then.  Whew.

Fall ’09: First semester as an RA.  Was learning the ropes and where to draw boundaries (or trying to).  Had some difficulty maintaining that line.  Dealt with supervisors perceptions versus my own perceptions being drastically different as it came to my own emotional well-being.  Spent a lot of time trying to reconcile that.  Had a lot of bizarre interactions with my floor.  It was kind of a hot mess, in hindsight.  Fondest memory: all the time spent in the office with Wendy.

Spring ’10: Another interesting semester.  More realizations about myself and others.  Started recognizing that I surround myself with needy people in order to be the martyr.  Provided some insight into my personality.  Things started to get better on the floor, though.  Formed some solid bonds with my residents.   Learned that Vinny T’s closed . Began to consider a career in Student Services.  Loosened up a little… let myself loose on occasion.  Tried not to be so inhibited. Fondest memory: king of the snow pile.

Summer ’10: Decided to stay on BU’s campus for the summer as an RA.  Worked with the High School students.  So much more drama wrapped up in that than the AY students.  Temperatures were sweltering.  Worked nearly full time all summer long.  Very exhausting summer.  Not nearly enough vacation time.  Got to meet some cool folks in the Warren summer staff though.  Fondest memory: 90s night.

Fall ’11: Far and away the most difficult semester of my life.  Student teaching, RAing, grading and tutoring took a lot out of me.  Underperformed in all areas, but managed to get through.  Student teaching was a remarkable experience — I really loved the kids I worked with and miss them like crazy.  I wonder if they think of me.  Started applications for graduate school in Higher Education programs.  Adjusted to the realities of a new ResLife staff.  Again dealt with others’ perceptions of me versus my own.  More metacognition and self-analysis.  This time, bond with floor was stronger (though much different dynamic).  Played a lot of video games to keep myself sane.  Didn’t get to hang out with friends as much, and some went abroad  Fondest memory: Students and faculty from NQHS.

These are only brief snapshots.  Interesting how I don’t really discuss courses (some of which have been invaluable to my personal growth)… and strange the things that come to mind.  So many more experiences comprised my tenure here… but I haven’t slept and these are the ones that popped into my head.  Going to make this last semester count… after I get some sleep.

I fall into the former category.  Why?

I think it stems from something that Mr. O’Brien, my High School English teacher, taught me early on.  That if we don’t discipline ourselves from within, then we’ll be disciplined from without.  That society has rules, and that these rules need to be followed, and if we should decide to break them (to good or malicious ends), we must be willing to deal with the consequences.  It’s a sort of “pick your battles wisely” mentality that I would like to instill in others.

The above mentioned commentary was in response to a student questioning him: “why do you care that we wear our headphones in the hallway?  What’s the big deal?” — and, I think he would admit, that it probably wasn’t a big deal — except that it was the rule of the school, and that it wasn’t one that needed to be broken.  Ignoring the rule amounted to immaturity, a juvenile affection for anarchy.

There are a lot of rules/laws with which I disagree.  For instance, I think that the drinking age in the U.S. should be lowered.  I think that drugs should be legal, regulated, and taxed.  Does that mean I think it’s OK to flout these laws and not expect consequence?  Of course not.

When speaking with a colleague today, I was told that “Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”  It’s an interesting sentiment — but I think I connect more with Ben Franklin’s famous adage: “He that cannot obey, cannot command.”

Is that to say that I’ve been the perfect angel over the years, living by the letter of the law and the rulebook?  No, of course not.  I don’t know anyone who has.  But at the same time, I have been hired to do a job.  It’s a job that I love.  A job that has profoundly changed my life for the better.  A job that provides constant opportunity for self-reflection and understanding.  So I will not feel like a hypocrite when I try to live up to the expectations of those who hired me.

Yes, parts of being an RA are unglamorous — nobody like to write people up.  At least not many people.  But I’m a firm believer that we take the negatives with the positives, and to ignore the difficult portions of this essential service would be a grave disrespect to those who hired me.

Something I think a lot about — finding the balance between being the “fascist RA” and the “friend RA.”  I don’t think I’ve mastered it yet.  Instead of finding the balance, I find myself acting as a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the next (so, I guess, on average I’m where I want to be).

Just some musings for the night…

Your first task is to identify an individual that has inspired you the most, and try to think ‘why?’

The reason this is so difficult is because so many people regularly inspire me.  Here are a few: